I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
false alarm, still single
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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