Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
