last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
