you would pick up someone in the library
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
