can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
