john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
