You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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