How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
