i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
