oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
