Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
