ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The adults are the big ones right?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
