I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You are a genius and a whore.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
