She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
