Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
