at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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