This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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