I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
