You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
