I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
