i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
