I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Randomize
