I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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