This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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