I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
