So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
