like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
