I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I puked a lego.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
