my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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