My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
