I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
