so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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