In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
