if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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