its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
