Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
