My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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