I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize