We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
