My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
