One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
