my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
