he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
