the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
