we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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