It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just pee around me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
