I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
