He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
