she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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