Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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