On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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