Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
