Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
it glows. i had to have it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
